DEAR FORKFUL

DEAR FORKFUL,

What is it with Melbourne’s cafes? Every time I try and go somewhere new for brunch with bae, it’s a complete déjà vu. White tiles, bearded baristas and long lines. Even the menus all sound the same—artisanal eggs and poached fruits and way too much smashed avo on everything. How can I maintain my expensive brunch habit and not be bored to tears every time I go out? Help! Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve, and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Love,
Brunched Out

DEAR BRUNCHED OUT,

I hear you—I’m so over this wannabe Scandi-chic minimalist vibe that seems to have taken over the Melbourne café scene. If I hear yet another tired joke about affordable housing and smashed avocado, I think I’ll hurl my magic coffee into the Yarra in pure frustration. Fret not though, I have bountiful recommendations that won’t make you gouge your eyes out as you stand in line for yet another smashed avocado toast dusted in micro herbs or edible flowers.

If you walk around Collingwood enough, you will probably have seen the CIBI tote bag, the mark of a true inner north native. They are all onto a good thing—the current brunch offering at CIBI is Japanese and absolutely delicious, changing from week to week but featuring items like grilled salmon, housemade yuzu and miso and pillowy rice so soft you can rest your hungover little face in it. The café itself has an array of beautiful groceries and homewares, which always appeals to my lifestyle aspirations.

Another option is a little less serene but always exciting—I often opt for yum cha on Sundays, which is basically an array of either steamed, pan-fried or deep-fried Chinese dim sum served on trolleys. This is all washed down with tea as you put on your best assertive face and hail down the trolleys you want. My personal recommendations are Gold Leaf in Burwood and Shark Fin Inn in the CBD. Try the egg tarts, har gow (prawn dumplings) or law bok gow (turnip cake)!

If you’re a food hedonist like me, sometimes you want a day cocktail or two (or three or … you get the picture) to accompany your breakfast. Bodega Underground offers a bottomless Mexican brunch. Think: unlimited margaritas, palomas and tacos. What more could you want?

Know what else is a cute option? Hopping to one of Melbourne’s many farmers’ markets, getting fresh ingredients and making breakfast in bed. Gorgeous.

Go forth and enjoy your smashed-avo-less brunches!

Love,
Foodie Agony Aunt

CBI

33/39 Keele Street, Collingwood

GOLD LEAF

155 Burwood Highway, Burwood East

SHARK FIN INN

50 Little Burke Street, Melbourne

BODEGA UNDERGROUND

55 Little Burke Street, Melbourne