If there’s anything the worldwide domination of Co–Star and zodiac memes has taught us, it’s that there isn’t a facet of modern life that the stars can’t guide. Not sure what to take to your next late lunch or dinner party? We asked the stars so you don’t have to.

ARIES

You bring a Kung Pao Chicken that, discernible even on sight, is way too spicy for anyone to stomach. The guests wearily eye the fresh chillies you’ve sprinkled across the chicken, before fearfully serving themselves an obligatory, polite spoonful. You grin, proud of yourself as always, as everyone forces out ‘mmmm’s between fits of tears and coughing. Your dish lays untouched until later in the evening (after you’ve drunk the house dry of savvy b), when, in an effort to keep the party going, you dare someone to pick out and eat all the chillies. They don’t, so you do.

TAURUS

Despite grand plans to bake bread ‘from scratch’, the day of the party rolls around and, true to form, you were too lazy to cook anything. Instead, you do a run past Lune Patisserie in the late afternoon to grab whatever’s left. You arrive at the party with four pain au chocolates and one lonely lemon tart. You also grab a bag of Light n’ Tangy chips from the IGA for well-rounded measure.

GEMINI

Though the host made a point of telling you to bring JUST ONE THING, you simply can’t decide, so you bring four entirely different things—homemade garlic bread, wild rice salad, samosas and your self-appointed world-famous brownies. You’ve curated a dinner party within the dinner party, but you’re too busy gossiping all night to eat much of it anyway.

CANCER

When emotions run high, which they almost always do, there’s only one worthwhile cure: carbs. Any sort of carby goodness will ultimately pass the test, but why not embrace these intense feelings of yours by honouring a culture renowned for living and eating with their hearts: the Italians. Pasta alla Cancer ... and the best part is it’s as good as bulletproof, a tried-and-true crowd pleaser, so there’s no need to worry about your feelings getting hurt from a bad review—there won’t be any!

LEO

Whilst you may have started your brainstorming with polite, understated ideas that would complement your host’s existing menu, let’s cut the BS and get to it: croquembouche or timpano? With no disrespect to the internet’s favourite Zaddy, S. Tucci, there is only one right answer. Ending the night with a luxurious tower of choux pastry is a certified way to make sure everyone is leaving the dinner with your name on their lips. Julia Child, the original Leo lady of the kitchen, would be proud.

VIRGO

Not to liken you to a rodent, but you are a Remi through and through. Whilst your contemporaries are more likely Linguinis, or worse yet, Emiles, it’s no reason to act modest and pretend your creation will be anything less than perfect. Before you begin you will need kitchen scales (digital for absolute accuracy), an in-oven thermometer (just in case the oven display temp is a half-degree off) and a high-tide glass of wine to deal with the stress of nailing this highly complex meal. You are going to tackle the notorious Beef Wellington and you better believe you’ll be marinating in the envy of your friends when they taste your Hat™ worthy parcel of goodness.

LIBRA

You’re a romantic and you like to seek the beauty in life, but you’re also a little, or a lotta, lazy. You’ve had weeks to stew over Insta-worthy dishes, but by the eve of the party it’s too little, too late, dear Libran. Time to fall back on your fail-safe pear and blue cheese salad. Toast walnuts, toss together with rocket, sliced pear, blue cheese, and drizzle a last minute lemony white wine vinaigrette on top. Voila. Your appreciation for the finer things in life will shine through, without having eaten into your oh–so valuable Me Time.

SCORPIO

Sex trumps all for the passionate and thrill-seeking Scorpio, but unless you’re willing to transform your body into a serving platter for sushi (à-la Samantha Jones) your next best option is, of course, dessert. Since you’re a determined, risk-taking sign, we recommend challenging the pastry-chef within. Blow the socks off the other guests (your competitors) by making your shortcrust pastry from scratch, and opt for a zesty filling to reflect your trademark Scorpio stinger (see recipe on page 62).

SAGITTARIUS

One word, Sagi: chaos. From Marxist darlings (Engles) to music industry rebels (Miley, Minaj), your sign has been rocking the boat since we replaced God with astrology. You’re the loudest and friendliest person at the party, and you want everyone else to match that energy. How about a super-boozy sangria to loosen the lips and a deck of Cards Against Humanity to loosen the moral compass?

CAPRICORN

Simplicity is king to Capricorn, and you seek praise for a job well done. Steer clear of foolish flights of fancy when it comes to selecting a dish to contribute. You’re the pragmatic ocean goat, so put your heart into making the GOAT of any dinner spread: potato bake. Just make sure you add your own special twist so everybody raves about it being better than their mums’.

AQUARIUS

Aquarius air baby, we all know you’re more concerned about the quality of the conversation than the meal itself, but that doesn’t mean you’ll accept anything sub-par. You like your food like your dinner party conversations: fresh, invigorating and maybe even a little controversial. Bring along a mixed green bean, pea, hazelnut, and pancetta salad. It’s zesty, it’s zingy, and it’s not your average salad. Everyone will know you have a sophisticated palate and will be discussing your ingenuity all night long. Let’s face it, if you’re anything like your fellow Aquarian Ina Garten, you’ve got this in the bag.

PISCES

Some may criticise you for being vague, but the truth is sometimes you prefer the company of your fantasies over that of your sometimes droll DTE pals. Lean into your soft-skills and be the emotional chameleon your friends love by paying homage to everybody’s childhood favourite: fairy bread. Who said dinner parties had to be serious?

FOODIE HOROSCOPES