KITCHEN SALVAGES
WORDS BY MORGAN BEGG
WHAT TO DO WHEN ... YOUR DOUGH DIDN’T RISE
You gave in to the homemade bread craze. You went out and bought fancy flour and nice olive oil and a box of Tandaco dry yeast. You lovingly kneaded and stretched your dough baby into a beautifully springy ball, only to come back to it hours later to discover that your gluten child has not risen to the occasion. Do not despair! Instead of throwing your sad unleavened offspring in the bin, roll it out as thinly as possible, sprinkle with salt and herbs and bake into tasty little crackers. That’s what you meant to make all along, right?
WHAT TO DO WHEN ... YOU BURN THE RICE
You became distracted by today’s Wordle and forgot to take the rice off the burner. It happens to the best of us (or, at least, to those of us who aren’t blessed with a rice cooker). The blackened bottom layer is, of course, unsalvageable, but to draw out the burnt smell from the rest of the rice, carefully scoop it out and lay a slice of white bread on the top, cover and let it sit for a few minutes. Or, alternatively, just throw the rice out and eat the slice of bread instead. It’d probably taste better.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ... YOU ADD TOO MUCH SPICE
You’ve gotten too big for your boots and thought you could handle that extra shake from the chilli flake jar. You absolutely can’t, and just one mouthful of burning regret sends you cascading back through time. Your friend in this situation? Dairy. Just add so much cheese (or sour cream or yoghurt) to your meal that your stomach will hurt so much from lactose overload that you forget that your mouth is on fire.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ... YOU FORGET ABOUT YOUR VEGGIES
You overzealously bought too many vegetables and left them to rot in the crisper while you obviously ordered yet another Mad Mex burrito. Let’s be honest, this isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and it certainly won’t be the last. The solution? Buy (or DIY) a benchtop compost. You failed to nourish yourself with that bunch of silverbeet so your plants may as well benefit from your inability to grow up.
WHAT TO DO WHEN ... YOU BOUGHT TOO MANY HERBS
For what are essentially just bunches of lawn clippings, fresh herbs are annoyingly expensive. If you want to squeeze every cent (and scent) out of your delicate friends, mix them into olive oil and freeze in ice cube trays. You will have perfectly portioned flavour pockets on hand for any meal. Unless you are the kind of person who will forget about them in the back of the freezer for six months ... in which case, just use the leaves to make one big herby cocktail and be done with it.
