FERMENTED ASTROLOGY

You are what you eat! Forkful looks into your stars, checks the planets’ alignment and reveals the true nature of your fermented self.

ARIES AKA KIMCHI: 21 MARCH – 19 APRIL

Ah Aries, you fiery, ever-so-slightly moody individual! Is all this isolation getting you down? Are you itching to change it up, churn it up, spice it up? Say hello to KIMCHI! Like you, it’s quite tangy, packs a punch and boasts about its numerous (health) benefits. Be your courageous self and give this fermented leafy food a go!

TAURUS AKA COCOA: 20 APRIL – 20 MAY

Hello Taurus, you capable, slightly stubborn human being. Has this sudden change ruffled your fur? The answer is COCOA: that warm, cosy and comforting powder; it’s a bit like you: it makes people feel good and with potent reason!

Don’t be inflamed about the current state of affairs, just get chocolatey!

GEMINI AKA BLUE CHEESE: 21 MAY – 20 JUNE

Oh my, Gemini, are you feeling alone, confined, repetitious? In these strange isolated times, why not take advantage of that curiosity and adaptability and try something new, something that’s not quite everyone’s cup of tea (you might relate!): BLUE CHEESE. Yes it’s stinky, yes it’s veiny, but your confidence in communication won’t be harmed by that!

CANCER AKA SOURDOUGH: 21 JUNE – 22 JULY

Ah Cancer, you’re so nurturing, you’re wholesome and often carb-heavy (or crab-heavy?!). You’re a bit tart, chewy and complex, and more than a little dense. Much like SOURDOUGH you’re consumed by others, so why not provide yourself with some much-needed sustenance? Be loyal to both your mothers!

LEO AKA CRÈME FRAÎCHE: 23 JULY – 22 AUGUST

Feeling ignored and alone, Leo? Lend yourself some of your own warm-hearted generosity and treat yourself, you deserve it! Go and internally admire some health-giving high quality fats; get yourself some delicious, decadent and delightful CRÈME FRAÎCHE—it’s fancy just like you.

VIRGO AKA SAUERKRAUT: 23 AUGUST – 22 SEPTEMBER

During these weird worldly events, it’s important to focus on health; luckily Virgo, you’re more than capable! SAUERKRAUT is kind to your gut and the world too—waste not, want not. It’s perfect for someone who wants their food to work as hard as they do—it’s practical, sensible and enhances any savoury meal.

LIBRA AKA MISO: 23 SEPTEMBER – 22 OCTOBER

The world is currently a scary place, no doubt it’s confronting, and you may be having a little self-piteous wallow … Even so Libra, you’re complex—you’ll collaborate, cooperate and get it together. MISO is just like you; it brings flavours into a sweet kind of harmony and is versatile beyond belief.

SCORPIO AKA RED WINE: 23 OCTOBER – 21 NOVEMBER

There’s a seductiveness to you, Scorpio, and a bravery that will help you in the current crazy climate. Don’t be jealous and secretive, let your throat call out for a mate: RED WINE will treat you well. Science says RED WINE plays a role in increasing gut bacteria diversity: when will it stop giving?!

SAGITTARIUS AKA BEER: 22 NOVEMBER – 21 DECEMBER

Like you, Sagittarius, BEER is the boon of the party: it’s solid and generous and occasionally surprising—it often contains yeasts that kill off disease-causing bacteria in the gut, so you might be able to party harder, for longer and we all know you’re keen on that.

CAPRICORN AKA YOGHURT: 22 DECEMBER – 19 JANUARY

If you can forgive it for being a bit of a know-it-all (you know just what that’s like, Capricorn) YOGHURT is the be-all-cure-all: as either a treatment or a treat, it is a lot like you in how disciplined its bacterial behaviour is. It can enhance your immune system and even help restrict the effects of respiratory infections: righteous!

AQUARIUS AKA KOMBUCHA: 20 JANUARY – 18 FEBRUARY

Oh Aquarius, you hippy you, there’s so much more to you than people give you credit for, isn’t there? You’re labelled a bit weird and environmental, much like KOMBUCHA. You’re a little uncompromising at times, and these weird worldly circumstances require flexibility. Just model yourself on the scoby floating atop that brilliant, bubbly KOMBUCHA and you’ll never be boring.

PISCES AKA SURSTRÖMMING: 19 FEBRUARY – 20 MARCH

You’re probably faring better than most in these daunting circumstances, aren’t you, Pisces? Given that you like your alone time so much, you’re difficult to characterise, much like the complex microflora of SURSTRÖMMING. Although you’re artistic and intuitive, you’ll do well to challenge yourself and what better way than with the national dish of Sweden?