HEALTH INSPECTOR

Health inspectors are the hidden heroes of the food industry, saving Melburnians from funny tummies and queasy digestion, one dodgy prawn at a time. Victoria Trembath recounts her day.

8:30am

Arrive at work. Cup of tea in hand, I log into my computer and check my emails, hoping that my team leader hasn’t given me anymore complaints to deal with. A sigh of relief—none (yet). I look at the due inspection list and decide which four premises I will go and inspect today. Whether or not I get all four done will depend on how good each place is. Today’s inspections will be a hipster café, a bakery, a hotel and a shisha lounge.

9:30am

Hop into council car to head off to first inspection; a hipster café. Bluetooth music to car and set up the saviour of my job—Google Maps. Directionally challenged me would be hopeless otherwise.

9:45am

Arrive at cafe. Introduce myself and flash ID tag at the barista at the front counter. Points to the kitchen and says to go for it. Kitchen is pretty good. Only real issue is some ants having a party where the dry ingredients are stored (someone didn’t close the honey jar properly). Speak to Chef and ask my favourite question: ‘how often do you make your mayonnaise?’ Chef tells me it’s vegan and they make it every two or three days. Thank God. Ask about ants. Apparently, they had only appeared this morning. Organising to get ant bait. Go to front counter. Hand wash basin tap not working. Apparently, it has been leaking. Remind them about the tap needing to be hands free. Write short report and tell them they’ll receive a letter with the full report. Will be back for a follow up in two weeks. Asked if I want a coffee twice—decline both times.

10:30am

Next stop is a bakery. ID’d myself and asked if I want a coffee. Decline. I am a terrible Melburnian—I can’t stand coffee. The bakery itself is quite old but no real issues. Ask about the sanitiser they use to clean equipment. Staff member has no idea what that is, tells me cleaning all falls to the owner. Make note to get owner to tell staff about sanitiser. Write up short report and say full report will be sent in the mail.

11:30am

Time to head back to the office. The chaos of the lunch time rush is not a good time to inspect. My stomach is also growling noticeably.

12:00pm

Return to office. No missed calls but new complaint assigned to me. A café has a rubbish issue. Again. Put note about rubbish with inspection pad. Eat lunch.

2:00pm

Next inspection is a hotel. Hotel is a lot bigger than I was expecting. Main kitchen needs a bit of cleaning. Back preparation area and coolroom is fine. Ask owner mayonnaise question. Tells me it’s vegan and made every three days. Yay! Go up to second floor for dry ingredients storeroom. Pretty good. Items in fridge catch my eye—mayonnaise containers marked ‘r’ and ‘v’ and dated from two weeks ago. Ask mayonnaise question again. Owner changes answer—makes a vegan mayonnaise and a raw egg mayonnaise. Tell owner to throw out mayonnaise and instruct to make raw egg mayo daily. Now annoyed with owner because of answers. Owner throws out containers in front of me. Trudge up to third floor where outdoor bar is. This area is fine. Write short report, tell owner that I’ll email him the full report and that I’ll be back in two weeks. Coffee from here was also declined.

3:45pm

Drive to cafe with rubbish issue. ID myself and ask to speak to owner. Owner not there, but manager is. Tell manager about situation.

‘How often are your bins emptied?’ …

‘To be honest, I’m not sure. That’s not a great answer is it?’

Ask to be taken to bins. Take photos. Get manager’s contact info. Give my business card to manager. Let them know I will call back tomorrow. What kind of manager doesn’t know when the bins are emptied?

4:30pm

Back at the office. Add inspections into database. Check emails and reply.

Update complaint database. Missed call from hotel chef. Wants me to call him back about the mayo. Great.

5:00pm

End of the day. Mentally add mayonnaise to my ‘things not to eat’ list.

Health Inspector is the colloquial term for an Environmental Health Officer (EHO). EHOs are employed by a local council to conduct annual inspections everywhere from restaurants to hospitals to ensure that food will be safe to eat.